Christmas 2007

I am dreading Christmas this year. 2007 is the year I join the thousands who do not look forward to it for one reason or another. As a kid I loved it, as most kids do. As a parent I loved it even more, as most parents probably do.

My excitement builds through the excitement of my kids I guess. As the big day approaches their innocence, hopes and joy build up to the best experience of watching them open the gifts that Father Christmas has left them by the tree. Those moments are better than any gift I ever received. For me that’s what Christmas is all about.

This year my kids are thousands of miles away and for the first time in 8 years I will not get to see them, cuddle them, laugh with them or play with them. It’s a horrible thought but it’s how it will be, this year, I will be alone.

I hoped I would be spending Christmas with another I love. But that is not going to happen now for various reasons. That would have been amazing, but it won’t happen. I have the offer of going to my sisters for Christmas day, which I probably will take up. But although this will be nice, it will just remind me more of what I am missing out on. So I will go and It will be nice, but it won’t really be Christmas to me.

In my mind Christmas is canceled this year. I will work most of it, just have Christmas day and boxing day off. But next year, next year I will make it up to my kids, and give them the best Christmas I can. I will buy them gifts or course, but just being together will be better than the gifts. Well I hope they see it that way, I’m sure they will. I see the sadness in their eyes each week on the webcam, the sadness that makes it hard to be away from them. But life can be cruel, and life is cruel.

Christmas resumes next year, 2008 will be the best Christmas ever, I will make sure of it.